Cast Out, Reel In

Just after graduating from high school in 2006 I went through one of the hardest times of my life. I got attached to a girl. Then I had to let her go because we both knew it wasn't the right time... but I didn't want to let go. I let myself get so attached that I thought it was impossible to let go. It has taken some time to learn from that mistake, and I have learned that there is a time and a season to all things. If a rose is picked not bloomed, it will most likely never bloom. Because I love expressing myself in writing, this is the poem that was formed while I was caught up in the emotion of this struggle.

Cast out, reel in. Catch, and now begin.

I caught something. I don’t know what it was.

I held onto it, just to see what it’d do.

It grew.

All the time wondering, wishing,

                            Wanting, waiting.

It was all a blur.

                             In my hand I held so pure.

Green was its color.

                                 What to do with, I did not know.

Words I knew not how to say.

All the things I’d ever done,

When it ended, it begun;

For when I grabbed on – so gently; and painfully – it slipped away.

I held on, I did, thinking it was still there.

Only it was not. Only thin air.

The rain it burned.

The fire it churned.

All that’s left is the scar created.

Something not intended but something meant to be.

Something I thought could never happen

To someone like me.

Holding on I am? Yes – for my hand is stuck –

                               To the feeling- to the pain,

The pain of this life.

The pain that’s meant to live.

My hand is frozen. So cold, so hard.

Life has a cold weather to give.

What’s held onto and gone,

Without rhythm, without time;

What’s left broken without song,

Is without music, without rhyme.

I find myself thinking, wondering,

                            Wishing, waiting,

Thinking of what there is to be.

Wondering, for why is this done to me?

Waiting for someone to hold my hand.

Someone, something to fill this pain inside.

Someone to walk into my land.

Emptiness is all that’s left now.

I’m tired of searching for something that fills

This hole, this emptiness, this misery that kills.

For I’m looking, but I can’t find,

Not only something, but reason.

No. It’s impossible to find.

The words echoed in my mind.

Like a poison it burns.

         Green is the color it has

Sweet misery is the name she’s earned.

              Green is the color she has.

Still in me she is.

                 And forever she will be.

For letting go of this love I’ve found –

                 This love grown on me –

Is impossible, it’s not worth it.

            It’s not worth it to me.

What I caught, what I see is

All that’s meant to be.

I held on just to see what it’d do;

It grew, it grew… on me.

I am now so very sure

               That the time, the reason,

                 The thoughts, the feelings,

I held so pure,

Are there with reason;

Are there for sure.

Forest, Rain, River, Pain,

Mountain, Thunder, Misery, Gain.

Life leads somewhere up above the trees.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Time must always last longer.

What I hold, what life needs,

This misery,                  This thunder,

                                         This rain,                        This pain,

Everything happens for a reason;

                     It’s mystery we feed,

Looking for reason, that’s what we people need.

So precious, so pure,

             It hurts to cure.

I hold onto this misery, this life,

                            This pain, this history,

Because letting go would be,

                          Nothing but catastrophe.

No pain, No gain is what I always say.

It’s the way the Lord would have it;

                           Truly the only way;

The way to success; the way to sight.

The way to Eternity; the way to light.